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Attendants and Guests

Being a Bridesmaid Without Breaking the Bank

Psyched about being an attendant, but bummed about the bills? Here's how to cut the costs while still doing right by the bride.

Heather Wax had never been in a wedding before. So when her old chum Elise asked her to be a bridesmaid, the 24-year-old Londoner felt honored. Heather's thrill waned, however, once she calculated the costs. There was the dress and shoes, hairstyling and manicure, cross-country flights and hotel rooms, the expenses of a wedding shower, a bachelorette party, and gifts. In fact, certified wedding consultant Peter Baxter of UWD estimates that the average bridesmaid will spend upwards of £1,000 in the months preceding the big day.

"You should talk to the bride about expenses before you accept the role of being a bridesmaid," says Robbin Montero, a wedding planner in Leeds. "If you really feel you can't afford it, you should decline." If your financial concerns don't arise until later, Hodges suggests a chat with the maid of honor. "Remember that when planning a wedding, emotions are high-especially the bride's."

But don't let dinero or the lack thereof discourage you from saying I do to a friend who wants you as her bridesmaid. You can still be part of the bridal party, even if you have to pinch a penny or two.

The Dress

When it comes to cutting clothing costs, "the best thing you can hope for is a considerate bride. If the bride's open-minded, suggest that the maids wear coordinating off-the-rack outfits from a chain store, outlet mall, or catalog, or let them choose plain black dresses (you may already own one).

If the bride wants traditional bridesmaid gowns, steer her towards one with versatile pieces that can later be paired with other items. Sing the praises of less-expensive manufacturers like Alfred Angelo, Mori Lee, and Bari Jay. Once the bride's made up her mind, order your gown immediately. Grace Young, a representative of San Francisco dress shop Bridal Galleria, warns, "There are often additional rush fees when you order late." If you're an out-of-state bridesmaid, don't automatically order the dress from a store in your neck of the woods. First, contact the shop the bride is using to see if it can ship your gown directly to you. You'll almost always avoid the sales tax, so even with the shipping costs the dress may cost less.

To save on alterations, provide accurate body measurements when you order. Young suggests having bridal shop pros do the measuring, if possible. Also, try shopping around for someone less expensive than the bridal shop's seamstress.

Shoes

Need dyed-to-match shoes? Find out if that pale pair from your last bridesmaid's gig can be re-redyed (a possibility if you're going darker, but be cautious, since the additional dye can sometimes run). For new footwear, seek out inexpensive brands like Nina and Dyeables—and see about coloring them black after the wedding so you can use them again.

If the bride's not requiring dyed-to-match, Hodges recommends black shoes to go with any dark gown. Light dresses can look good with bone or even clear, vinyl shoes. Dig through your closet, then scour lower-priced stores like Payless or Wal-Mart for their most unadorned styles (keeping in mind that bargain-bin specials may rub your tootsies raw).

Hair and Makeup

The easy money saver? Do your own beautifying: Go with a simple, pulled back 'do and have all the bridesmaids help with each other's makeup.

Some brides insist on professionally crafted coifs. In that case, consider a beauty school, where students perform a full range of services for nominal fees. And no need to worry about ending up with a frizzed-out fright perm. "The students are under the constant supervision of their teachers" and will heed your wishes. You might also want to hit up a local department store's cosmetic counter for makeup aid. Again, your best bet is to call ahead.

If the bride is organizing a group trek to a particular salon, try to make your appointment with a junior-level stylist or a trainee. Shampoo yourself ahead of time, and request a basic blowout or simple updo.

Travel and Lodging

These can be the your biggest expenditures. Using frequent-flyer miles is smart, as is making the trip do double duty by visiting local friends. If there are others you know in town, find out if you can crash with them. Working with the bridal party to arrange group cab rides or car rentals as well as hotel rooms can also help preserve your bank account. And if the bride's recommending a pricey hotel, see if there's a less expensive motel nearby.

Shower and Bachelorette Party

Although a typical bridesmaid responsibility is hosting prenuptial bashes, these fiestas don't have to do fatal damage to your finances. Try the following ideas:

Schedule an afternoon shower in someone's house. Serve snacks, not a full meal. Or go potluck.

Nix party favors. Instead, have guests compete to see who can answer the most questions correctly about the nuptial couple—and offer only one or two prizes.

To save on presents, request that each guest bring an 8-by-10 page with a photo or story about the bride. The bridesmaids can then assemble the pages into a friendship book as a joint shower gift.

Holding a bachelorette blowout close to the wedding date means that you'll need to make only one trip. In lieu of a drunken bar crawl, consider taking the bride and some buddies to a day spa-this way the ladies can pay for themselves (choosing only the treatments they can afford) and then split the bride's costs.

In the end, the commitment to be in a friend's wedding may mean some serious bullet-biting. As Heather points out, however, when the last bill's been paid, "what really matters is that I'll be able to stand next to my friend on one of the most important days of her life."


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