Attendants and Guests

The Whole Kid and Caboodle

What to do with the pint-sized crew

These days, one of the most-fretted-over wedding decisions is whether or not to invite children. Some brides worry that the kids will be bored. Others fear they'll be too wild for a tame party.

But you can invite the whole family, including the under fives, if you know how to accomodate your lively little guests.

Pint-size party. If you're inviting the youngest member of your family to walk down the aisle, be sure she wants to. Kids under 5 are likely to be confused by the attention and may end up forfeiting their role at the last minute. If a child indicates that she's uncomfortable being your flower girl, don't force her to take the role.

Grown-up glories. Don't insult a 10-year-old by asking him to be your ring bearer. By that age (10-13 years old), kids have graduated to junior groomsmen and bridesmaids. Your junior party members won't have the responsibilities of a bridesmaid or groomsman, but they'll feel important when they walk down the aisle.

Tiny tunes. Kids under 10 will love to hear songs from their favorite movies, so ask the DJ to play romantic but child-friendly music ("You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan). Preteens will be less likely to yawn after your third Irish ballad if you throw radio hits into the mix (consult your preteen cousin for this one-you'll be amazed by how uncool you are in your old age).

Excellent eats. Let them eat cupcakes! Save the fancy food for the adults and give the kids something familiar to sink their teeth into. Ask your caterer if he can create a kids' menu. Name dishes after kids' favorite characters (Harry Potter's hot-dog platter) or ice cupcakes to match your bridesmaids' dresses.

Kids' kingdom. If there are enough young ones attending, designate a corner of the reception as the kids area. Hire a sitter to watch over the spot, and make it fun by decorating it with youthful flair. Have crayon centerpieces and give coloring books as favors. For really tiny tots, have bibs embroidered with wording like "Michelle and Jason's Wedding." Just be careful who you seat where. If your 9-year-old nephew is mature enough to sit with the grown-ups, let him. There is nothing worse for a child than being stuck at the kids' table against his will. Likewise, some children under 5 may be more at ease sitting with their parents than other kids.

Child-free challenges. If it turns out that you do have to nix some kids, be consistent. You can draw the line however you choose (immediate family and first cousins only). No matter what guidelines you set, it helps to call parents whose children won't be invited. Be honest: You and your fiancé are inviting a few children, and you wanted them know right away. Your honesty should be well received, as long as you're fair.