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Attendants and Guests

Wish You Were Here

Ways to include special folks who can't make the wedding

No matter where, when and how you plan your wedding, someone you love is bound to miss it. Perhaps your college roommate has been sent to Europe for her job, or an elderly relative is too frail to leave the nursing home. That doesn't mean that those who are absent have to skip all the action. Here are some great ideas to help you get these very important people involved in your special celebration.

Maximize involvement

Send e-mail or postcards to keep everyone updated as you narrow down choices like reception sites and bridesmaids' gowns. They'll feel like they're playing a larger part in the festivities if they know the inside scoop.

Add details

Think of little touches you can incorporate to help you feel like your special someone's there with you. Use one of your grandmother's famous cake recipes for a tier of your wedding cake; ask the DJ to dedicate a song to your cousin; or carry a memento given to you by your best bud.

Give 'em an honorary role

If your closest gal pal can't stand by your side as maid of honor, have her play the part in spirit. Enlist her as your adviser over phone lines or through e-mails and give her a heads up on all plans as you would your local wedding party. Have a bridesmaid's bouquet delivered to her on the wedding day, and have her name printed in the program as an honorary attendant.

Make the connection

Charge up the cell phone and ask a friend or family member to dial your missing loved one just before you exchange your vows. Have your helper hold up the cell phone so your faraway friend can hear you and your sweetie say, "I do."

Spin your web

If you have a lot of VIPs stranded at far-off locations, look into having your wedding cybercast or videoconferenced. Your local computer rental store should be able to lease you the equipment you'll need to make it happen. At the very least, put your wedding pictures up on a Web site for your far-flung guests to enjoy later.

Schedule quality time

If logistics allow, stop by the hospital or nursing home between the ceremony and reception to surprise the person who couldn't make the ceremony, or take a few minutes to call her before you and your new hubby arrive at your reception site.

Send some treats

Have flowers that match your bouquet sent to loved ones on your wedding day—and include a note that says how much you'll miss them. If an elderly relative lives close by, have someone stop by the day after the wedding with a piece of cake, a favor, or a centerpiece, so she can enjoy a taste of the big day.

Get the message

Ask a missing loved one to write a special message about your friendship (or to send along a favorite poem), which the best man can read during the evening's toasts.

Do a favor

Instead of traditional favors, find out what charities are dear to the hearts of your can't-make-its. Then donate the money you would have spent on favors to that charity in their honor.

Capture the action

Give a friend a Polaroid camera (or better yet, a camcorder) and have her record the day. That friend can mail out the pictures or videotapes after the wedding, so everyone can see what they've missed.

Have a traveling wedding

If the person who's absent is someone so close to you that you can't imagine marrying without him or her (your father or mother, for example), take the ceremony to them first. Even if it's just you, your fiancé, your loved one and a justice of the peace in a hospital chapel, it's sure to be a poignant event.


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