Wish You
Were Here
Ways to include special folks who can't make the wedding
No matter where, when and how you plan your wedding, someone
you love is bound to miss it. Perhaps your college roommate
has been sent to Europe for her job, or an elderly relative
is too frail to leave the nursing home. That doesn't mean
that those who are absent have to skip all the action. Here
are some great ideas to help you get these very important
people involved in your special celebration.
Maximize involvement
Send e-mail or postcards to keep everyone updated as you narrow
down choices like reception sites and bridesmaids' gowns. They'll
feel like they're playing a larger part in the festivities if
they know the inside scoop.
Add details
Think of little touches you can incorporate to help you feel
like your special someone's there with you. Use one of your
grandmother's famous cake recipes for a tier of your wedding
cake; ask the DJ to dedicate a song to your cousin; or carry
a memento given to you by your best bud.
Give 'em an honorary role
If your closest gal pal can't stand by your side as maid of
honor, have her play the part in spirit. Enlist her as your
adviser over phone lines or through e-mails and give her a heads
up on all plans as you would your local wedding party. Have
a bridesmaid's bouquet delivered to her on the wedding day,
and have her name printed in the program as an honorary attendant.
Make the connection
Charge up the cell phone and ask a friend or family member to
dial your missing loved one just before you exchange your vows.
Have your helper hold up the cell phone so your faraway friend
can hear you and your sweetie say, "I do."
Spin your web
If you have a lot of VIPs stranded at far-off locations, look
into having your wedding cybercast or videoconferenced. Your
local computer rental store should be able to lease you the
equipment you'll need to make it happen. At the very least,
put your wedding pictures up on a Web site for your far-flung
guests to enjoy later.
Schedule quality time
If logistics allow, stop by the hospital or nursing home between
the ceremony and reception to surprise the person who couldn't
make the ceremony, or take a few minutes to call her before
you and your new hubby arrive at your reception site.
Send some treats
Have flowers that match your bouquet sent to loved ones on your
wedding day—and include a note that says how much you'll
miss them. If an elderly relative lives close by, have someone
stop by the day after the wedding with a piece of cake, a favor,
or a centerpiece, so she can enjoy a taste of the big day.
Get the message
Ask a missing loved one to write a special message about your
friendship (or to send along a favorite poem), which the best
man can read during the evening's toasts.
Do a favor
Instead of traditional favors, find out what charities are dear
to the hearts of your can't-make-its. Then donate the money
you would have spent on favors to that charity in their honor.
Capture the action
Give a friend a Polaroid camera (or better yet, a camcorder)
and have her record the day. That friend can mail out the pictures
or videotapes after the wedding, so everyone can see what they've
missed.
Have a traveling wedding
If the person who's absent is someone so close to you that you
can't imagine marrying without him or her (your father or mother,
for example), take the ceremony to them first. Even if it's
just you, your fiancé, your loved one and a justice of
the peace in a hospital chapel, it's sure to be a poignant event.
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