Civil Rights
Planning on a secular ceremony? There's plenty of room for
creativity.
So, maybe you two aren't exactly devout church (or temple)
goers. Maybe you're both really into your faith, but you've
abandoned attempts to blend your Buddhist and Baptist traditions
into one ceremony. Or perhaps the pomp and circumstance of
a religious wedding doesn't suit your laid-back style. Don't
despair. It is possible to have a civil ceremony with much
more meaning than your basic "I do." Here's how.
Hire the right person
No matter what kind of ceremony you want, there's someone out
there able to do the job. If you crave just a touch of religion,
consider hiring an officiant from the Unitarian Universalist
Association (check out your local Yellow pages orYell.com
for more information), whose members draw from many faiths.
He or she can include elements of your religions into the ceremony
if that's important to you.
Before you make your choice, interview your pick to see if
his or her personality—buttoned-up, funny, etc.—fits
into your vision of the ceremony and makes you and your fiancé
feel comfortable.
Scout a good spot
One of the benefits of using a civil officiant is that they
can marry you anywhere, which means your wildest dreams-tying
the knot on a high-flying trapeze or a wild rollercoaster-can
come true. Once you've pinpointed your dream site, get to work
on securing any permits you may need to tie the knot and/or
have your reception there. Most public parks, for example, will
require some paperwork before they let you use their space.
Set it up
As with the other ceremony details, going the civil route gives
you a blank canvas when it comes to directing what the actual
ceremony will look like. Keep all eyes focused on your vows
by making the spot where they'll take place a standout.
If you're having an outdoor ceremony, a grand old oak or
a gazebo would make an ideal vow-zone. Indoors, you could
put large floral arrangements on rented columns, or cover
rented trees in twinkling lights. (Ask your florist about
the rentals.) Standing candelabras twined with roses and ivy
also make a grand statement. As for chairs, leave a wide enough
aisle for you, your escort and your dress.
Feel free
Because you're calling the shots, you can walk down the aisle
to anything from Billy Idol's "White Wedding," to Wagner's traditional
"Wedding March." You can also play secular music during the
ceremony. There are no constraints on your dress or style. The
civil world is full of choices—it might be for you tough
to narrow them down!
Tell it like it is
One of the big pluses of a civil ceremony is that it gives you
and your fiancé&#eacute; the freedom to write your own
vows. Be sure to talk it over with your officiant first—there
may be a few specific words or phrases that you must include
to make your marriage legal.
But beyond that, with a civil ceremony, the wording of the
vows is all up to you. The basic "I dos" should only take
about two minutes—but you don't have to keep it that
simple. Consider having a dear friend or family member read
a poem or book passage that's meaningful to both of you. If
nothing springs to mind, search the work of your favorite
writers or the lyrics of your favorite musicians.
And there's always the do-it-yourself road-write your own
poems, or read an excerpt from the love letters and cards
you've exchanged.
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