Can I Have a Non-Religious Ceremony?

My parents want me to have a traditional religious ceremony which I feel doesn’t reflect me and my fiancé—or the way we want to start a marriage together. We want to write our own vows and include secular readings, but my parents don’t think that’s proper. What should I do?

“This is a place where the bride and groom should acknowledge their parents’ wishes as much as possible,” says Sylvia Bigelsen, author of The Ties That Bind…And Bind…And Bind (Element Books). Here are some ways to craft a ceremony that everyone can live with:

• Consult with your minister, priest or rabbi to see what secular material can be incorporated into a religious service. Your parents might be fussing over something that’s easily solved.
• Inquire if you can hold your service in a secular setting, but still have the minister or rabbi officiate.
• Hold your service in the house of worship, and have an additional service at the reception where you’ll read your vows, recite poetry or play the music you like.