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Second Time Around
Even if you're not new to the nuptial thing, you can make your
wedding special.
A second wedding can be anything you want it to be. You needn't
be hindered by rules or myths about what is and isn't appropriate.
Below, some ideas to help you plan the celebration that's right
for you.
Relative Reactions
Brace yourself for friends and family members who can't help but bring
up your first marriage and voice their not-so-supportive opinions
about this one. Jana Reeve, 30, from manchester recalls, "I had a
few people say they thought I was crazy for getting married so soon
after my divorce. One friend even said, 'You know, the grass is not
always greener!'" Words like this are hard to swallow, but they go
down a lot easier if you focus on what's important—the love
you and this wonderful man share.
Offspring Issues
Not everyone can pull off a Brady Bunch scenario. So if you and/or
your new man have kids, talk to them about the wedding and ask them
how much they want to be involved in the celebration. If they are
gung ho, there are many creative ways to include them. Instead of
having your dad give you away, ask your oldest son. Or you can have
all your children walk down the aisle with you. Your fiancé's
kids could be waiting at the end of the aisle with him. This will
really create a sense of two families merging. You can even make special
vows, promising to love and care for all the children. However, if
a child is uncomfortable with your upcoming union, don't force him
to take a big role in the wedding, says Christine Nicholson, Ph.D.,
an Albuquerque, NM-based psychologist specializing in children and
blended families.
Repeat Performance
Your bridesmaids from your first wedding probably never expected to
do an encore. But friends and family are supposed to share in your
happiness throughout your life, so it's fine to ask them to stand
by you again. However, you are not obligated to stick with the original
cast. New faces are completely appropriate.
Gift Shift
As a second-time bride you might feel that a bridal shower or an engagement
party is something you can do without. However, if your friends want
to throw you a bash, go for it. Just be sure to take inventory before
you register for gifts. There's a good chance you and your fiancé
are already stocked with enough pots and pans. Instead, register for
items to take on your honeymoon or pick a couple of charities and
have your friends make donations in your names.
Legal Ease
Prenuptial agreements won't make you swoon like a great kiss, but
they are worth investigating. If you decide that a prenup is right
for you, discuss it with your intended before consulting a family
lawyer. Stress that such an agreement is meant to protect each other.
"A prenuptial agreement is very common with second marriages," says
Sanford Ain, a senior partner specializing in family law at Sherman,
Meehan, Curtin & Ain inLeeds. "Having been down the aisle once
before, couples realize how expensive it is both financially and emotionally
to unwind a relationship," he says.
White Plight
Wear a white dress again if that's what you like. After all, this
is your first time marrying your second husband. Why shouldn't you
wear white in honor of him? However, if you feel strange about wearing
a formal gown, consider something more understated like a sleek sheath
or a suit.
Unique Party
There are no rules dictating how big or small your second wedding
should be. You can invite the whole town or just your pets. The most
important thing is to make it different from your first. Catherine
Walker, 33, Oldham, had a traditional first wedding with 150 guests.
Her second, an intimate dinner reception for 13 people, really stood
out. "We concentrated on us, not the extras that were so important
the first time around," she says.
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